Money Like A Woman means building community, not financial isolation

Somewhere along the way, some of us got the idea that being “good with money” means never needing any guidance from someone else.  Or that you’re only a financial whiz if you can confidently answer every single financial question that comes your way.

But being in the financial driver’s seat doesn’t mean you know everything. It means you know enough to recognize precisely when you don’t know something — and that you should seek out an answer you can trust.  And this is one place where women may already have an advantage: Our willingness to seek advice, compare notes, and learn from one another can be an enormous financial strength.

“One of the smartest things you can do with your money is to recognize when another perspective could help,” says Jean Chatzky, CEO of HerMoney and author of The Forever Paycheck. “A little professional guidance — or even just a chat with a trusted friend who has their financial life together — can be life-changing. Thankfully, women have long understood the value of asking questions and sharing information!”

You Don’t Know What You Don’t Know

It would be nice if all money decisions came with a giant flashing red or green light to tell us whether we’re good to go or need to slow our roll. In real life, sometimes we just don’t know things like which investment option is best, which fees are too high, or where the best rates really are. Other times, the fact that the industry has wrapped what should be a simple product in way too much jargon can be confounding.  Then there are those instances where we’re simply just too close to a problem to see the solutions staring us right in the face.

“Just like so many other things in life, talking through financial decisions with trusted friends, family, or advisors helps improve outcomes because often we have blind spots when it comes to ourselves,” says Gabbi Cerezo, an independent Certified Financial Planner at Sustain Financial in Lacey, Washington.

Cerezo recently saw this firsthand during a casual conversation with two women at her gym. The topic turned to investing, and one of the women mentioned that she had been working with the same financial advisor for years, without ever questioning what she was really getting for her money.

After comparing notes with the other women, she realized that other financial advisors could provide more services for the same price — including helping her with taxes and retirement planning. (Her current advisor was only managing her investment accounts.) Essentially, this casual chat gave her a reason to take a closer look at her financial life. Sometimes, one conversation like that is all it takes to make you realize: Wait, I could be getting more for my money?!

Finding Your Financial People

Casual money conversations are great, but what about when you need something more? Who belongs on your financial “A-team” — the trusted people you can turn to for true expertise when it really matters?

For starters, a trusted financial advisor can help you navigate retirement and investment decisions. A career mentor may help you negotiate your salary, or an attorney may help you with questions around starting a business or buying a home.

You might also want a “money buddy” — maybe a friend whose financial life is on solid ground with whom you can openly chat about your money goals and challenges. (If you aren’t sure where to start, maybe just plan to meet for coffee every few months just to keep each other accountable on savings or investing goals!)

And when we pair online financial communities with those IRL we can go even deeper — check out the Money Like A Woman and HerMoney communities for resources and inspiration. Sometimes you just want to hear from someone who’s going through exactly what you are — whether that’s buying a first home, paying for college, getting divorced, or figuring out retirement.

And last but certainly not least, we shouldn’t forget about the people closest to home.

“I would love to see families normalize having money conversations!” Cerezo says. Because even in families that supposedly “never talk about money,” we’re still communicating about it all the time. Think about your dad fighting for the privilege of picking up a restaurant check for the entire family — or, conversely, everyone sitting around hoping someone else will grab it. Kids notice these things. So do adults. Over time, those little interactions teach us what our families believe about money, Cerezo says.

For couples, Cerezo recommends making a yearly financial check-in a tradition: Calculate your net worth, look at the goals you set last year, talk about what worked and what didn’t, and decide what you want your money to accomplish next. Many experts refer to these “appointments” as “money dates” and genuinely look forward to sitting down with a spouse or partner (over a glass of wine, of course!) to unpack their financial standing and maybe even plan a fun new purchase for the home, or a weekend getaway.  But even if it doesn’t feel exactly date-like to you, it’s key to schedule time in the calendar to make sure it happens.

“You don’t have to approach money exactly the same way as your spouse or partner,” Chatzky says. “But you do have to be able to talk about it. What are we working toward? What are we worried about? What decisions are coming next? Those conversations are how you make sure you’re actually moving in the same direction.”

Asking The “Right” Questions

We get it. Knowing that you should ask questions doesn’t mean that actually asking them suddenly becomes easy.

“Asking financial questions is kind of awkward,” Cerezo admits. “I understand and empathize that it can be scary to admit you don’t know something.”

If asking questions continues to feel intimidating even after a little practice, Cerezo suggests writing down your questions first and doing a little online research. YouTube can be a great place to start, she says. Learn just enough to get comfortable with the vocabulary, and then use that knowledge to ask better questions.

“One thing I learned in my years as a financial reporter is that there’s a tremendous amount of power in being able to say, ‘I don’t know. Help me understand,’” Chatzky says. “You don’t build financial confidence by pretending you have all the answers. You build it one question, one conversation, and one good decision at a time. And note: If the first answer doesn’t do it for you, just reframe that question and ask it again!”

Essentially, money was never meant to be a solo sport. No one can know “everything,” rather, we need to surround ourselves with trustworthy people and resources that help us make better decisions — while always staying firmly in our own financial driver’s seat!

TL;DR: Money Is Better With Good Company

Having financial confidence doesn’t mean having every answer — it just means knowing when to ask questions and seek trustworthy guidance when we need it. We all need a strong financial community to help guide us, and that can include a qualified advisor, a career mentor, a money buddy, an online community, and regular conversations with your spouse or family. Comparing notes is what helps us expose blind spots and make more confident decisions!